get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins