My sheets look like a crime scene.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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