Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
