So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
