There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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