it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
