Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
