im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
