She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
