You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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