it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
