i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize