Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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