My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
