Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
