YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
