I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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