Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
