My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
