so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
