and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
