you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So much rum. So many feels.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
