I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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