I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
