I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
