In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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