i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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