Don't make out with my wife yet
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize