I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
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