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My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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