I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
