somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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