The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
