That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
