I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I touched a dick in church today
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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