How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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