I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
