Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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