I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
