She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
