so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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