My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
