I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
