I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
