I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
