It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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