We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
