I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
