I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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