they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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