I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
