yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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