Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
