Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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