this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
