He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
